


Passenger

by Drawkwamai



Series: New Years Adventures [3]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: M/M, Multi, Nonbinary Character, Other, Queer Characters, Trans Male Character, a lot of songs, before marco and jean, emotional levi is a must, goes with my other necklace fics, hanji and levi, i promsie, inspired by a song, levi is trans, mike and nanaba show up more, piss baby levi is a best, yup yup
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-04-16
Updated: 2015-01-29
Packaged: 2018-01-19 13:49:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 11,498
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1472128
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Drawkwamai/pseuds/Drawkwamai
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Levi spends his days back and forth between Hanji's coffee shop, his paper company job with Erwin and Petra and sleeping in his cold apartment. Catch is that he still remembers the past and can't seem to get it off his back. Plus, he's trans.</p><p>Eren suffers through grad school, the possibility of a Youtube gig and quitting school just out of his reach. Maybe if he plays late enough and turns the heat down low enough to piss Jean off he can make the crunch. He never thought he would find his match in his professors coffee shop.</p><p>Even if you're a match doesn't mean things will end up happy...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Wrong Direction

Sunday nights always sucked the most out of all the other sleepless nights for Levi. He couldn’t ever get comfortable and spent hours flopping around in his squeaky bed, letting out heaved sighs. His sheets always got tangled around his ankles and his sleep pants would annoyingly ride up. At least one of his blankets always fell off and it was too damn cold to go without it; Trost was rainy and cold and the winter really, really sucked. A cruddy apartment with sparse heat wasn’t much help either.  
His racing thoughts weren’t much help and snapshot memories of another life dancing on the back of his eyelids kept him from drifting off. He didn’t know what sort of flash of the past it would be. Whether it was the torment of the violence or the continuing pounding reminder that this was the wrong body—either way it sucked.  
“Fuck…” Levi exasperated, his eyes shooting open as he sat up, pulling his knobby knees up to his chest. His hands ran through his messy hair and he gripped the short strands, his shoulders trembling softly. He slammed his eyes shut and shook his head. Damnit, sometimes it was too much…  
Screams echoed off the walls and back into his ears; soaring through the air, dead bodies barely grazing his feet. People he used to know, people he cared about. The giants hands the shrieks of his name were always the worst.  
He let go of his hair and clumsily reached over to the bedside table, fingers scraping for his phone. He clasped it and yanked on it, pulling the charger. He shakily unlocked it and tears blurred his vision as he fumbled with the keys for the speed dial. The phone buzzed mockingly in his ear and his hand dug into his hair, his eyes darting back and forth nervously. He chewed at his thumb nail, sweat dripping down his brow.  
“Mm….Heyllo..?” Hanji answered sleepily and Levi choked on his words, his voice coming out as a soft squeak and a moan. “Levi..? What’s wrong?” Hanji instantly sounded more awake and he heard the rustle of fabric like they were sitting up. “It’s Levi…” They said softly.  
“A-Are you…okay? I-Is Petra okay?” He stammered, sucking in dry breaths, biting harder on his thumbnail.  
“Yes, I’m fine Levi…I’m here. I’ll see you in the morning at the shop. Okay? Petra’s here next to me; she asked who just called before rolling over.” They said to him quietly and Levi nodded, rubbing his eyes with the back of his hand.  
“O-Okay…” He sucked in a deep breath and nodded rapidly, his clammy hands gripping the arms of his shirt.  
“Hey…Erwin is fine; I talked to him earlier today. Jean has a shift at the shop tomorrow and Petra is gonna bring in muffins. She’s fine too Levi. Auruo has the day off, but he was still in a crabby mood today. Mike posted about going to a concert tonight; him and Nanaba were gonna wear the shirts I made them. Peaches n Banana.” Hanji rambled his ear off, knowing the best way to make Levi feel better was to talk his ear off about every little detail of their shared friend’s lives. “You feel better Levi?” Hanji asked quietly and Levi coughed, nodding his head.  
“Y-Yeah…I’ll see you guys tomorrow…” His grip on his shirt loosened and he flopped back down in bed with a huff. He reached down and pulled his blankets back around himself.  
“Okay, try and get some sleep, okay?” Hanji told him quietly and he hummed quietly, his eyes falling halfway. He chewed on his lip, looking up at the water stained ceiling in the dark.  
“Okay. Thanks Hanji; you’re still the best.” Levi mumbled and Hanji chuckled softly.  
“I was here for you once; I’ll be damned if I’m not here for you in this life.” They said and Levi let out a faint chuckle, his eyes getting a little blurrier.  
“Still the same Hanji. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.” Levi hummed and wiped his nose.  
“Night Levi…” The phone went dead in his ear and he dropped it on the floor and rolled over, pulling the blankets around his shoulders tightly. He wiped his eyes by rubbing his whole face over his pillow. He didn’t get a chance to check the clock again before he fell asleep.

“Fuck..!” Levi yelled into his pillow, his screeching alarm blaring from his vibrating phone on the floor. He squeezed himself tightly, holding his pillow tightly in his shaking hands. Damn it, he fucking hated loud noises like that…  
He flipped himself over and scabbed at the ground for his phone, coming up short. He rolled his eyes and with a heave he scooted to the edge of the bed and squinted over the side for the stupid device. He found it halfway under the bed and he cursed at the bright light when he flipped it over to turn off the goddamn alarm. He sunk back into the covers and glared at the stomach clenching time of 5:30 am. He rolled onto his back and heaved a heavy sigh; he pulled the blinds back a little and groaned when he spotted rain and heard a faint rumbled in the distance. He let the blinds fall back in place with a loud rustling sound and he rubbed his face. He heaved himself up and rubbed the back of his neck, his lips pursing. He roughly pushed the blankets aside and hobbled out of bed, his socks providing a little comfort against the cold ground. He twisted his back around and rolled onto his tip toes, his body popping and cracking.  
He hobbled to his closest and yanked the door open; he pulled the string to the light and quickly rubbed his adjusting eyes. He looked over everything in his mishmash closest of clothes borrowed from Hanji and taken from Hanji back in college when they had been too small for them. He flicked through the various button downs and settled on a black shirt Hanji had gotten him years ago—it was probably his favorite shirt if he had a favorite. He left the light on and wandered over to his dresser and pulled out one of his binders and tossed it onto the bed along with a black tank top.  
He cursed whatever thought it would be funny to watch him struggle with the wrong body trying to make it right. Sometimes there weren’t enough curse words to cycle through as he hobbled to the bathroom.  
He locked the door and kicked off his pants before discarding his shirt. His landlord had gotten pissed at him for “adjusting” mirror to only show him his pale face and his collar bones. He couldn’t bear to look any lower half of the time. He grimaced at the sword charm glaring at him in the glass and he quickly looked away to start his lukewarm shower.  
It was six by the time he was slouching against the counter top, starring down the tea kettle as it spit and sputtered at him. So much for the watch pot never boiling. Levi needed at least one good cup of tea before he would be even agreeable enough to glare at people from over his cup of Hanji’s coffee. Hanji afforded him at least one free cup of her “home grown” tea and a muffin on the especially sucky days. Levi could almost hear them talking about the strange experiments with beans and plants in their basement. Petra was a godsend to tolerate them yet again; although, Petra would probably say the same about him.  
He picked up the stripped cup and gently sucked on the hot tea with three sugars and it burned his tongue. He grimaced and pulled out his phone, unlocking it with a slide of his finger. He popped open the weather and took a peek at the sucky Trost weather and groaned. It was set to be a rainy ass week with wind and cold to boot; Levi liked the rain, but he despised the cold. He hated it with an absolute passion.  
Right on time of six o five, his phone dinged with Hanji’s typical “good morning! :))” message. He went to type back, but a second message popped up.  
“You are coming in today, right?” He figured by the good grammar that it was from Petra.  
“Yeah.” He typed back and tucked his phone back into his pocket, taking another sip.  
“Good. Coffee or tea?” She typed back and Levi rolled his eyes, taking his sweet time to pull out his phone and answer.  
“Tea. The freakish one that the mad scientist makes it their basement and cackles about.” Levi downed the rest of the hot tea and sighed heavily, dumping the cup in the sink. He flicked on the tap and filled it up before dumping the murky water down the drain. He would probably have a cup when he got home and he halfway didn’t mind just rinsing it and drying for the day.  
“Haha, I told Hanji that you said that.” He checked his phone again as he shrugged on his tweed coat. He scoffed and grabbed his matching hat, stuffing his phone in the inner pocket. He tied his old blue scarf around his neck and grabbed the long black umbrella. He tucked his house keys and wallet in his coat pockets; he glanced over the house one last time before he opened the door and stepped out onto the slick walkway. He glared at the mist that covered most of the street and he pulled his scarf around himself a little tighter.

 

“Holy shit, Eren!! It is the middle of the fucking winter and its sixty degrees in here!” Eren’s obnoxious roommate Jean shrieked from the hallway at the exact same time as always.  
“Fuck you Jean!” Eren yelled and groaned, putting his face back in his pillow when the door flung open, light from the hallway pouring in.  
“Fuck you right back Eren!” Jean yelled and picked up an abandoned pillow, throwing it at Eren’s head. “I gotta get to work and I’d prefer not to freeze my toes off!” Eren groaned, grabbing and throwing the pillow right at Jean’s annoying as fuck face. Jean caught it and walked over to Eren to hit his head with it; he sucked at aiming and Eren got up quicker getting beat by a pillow.  
“Hell, Jean, fuck stop!” Eren sat up and shoved Jean away, knocking him back on his butt. “I’m up, okay?” He groaned and rubbed his messy hair, his necklace dangling outside his shirt. “Jesus…”  
“I shouldn’t have to remind you that you gotta talk to your professor…” Jean waved his hand dismissively as he walked out.  
“Shit…gotta give me directions to that place…” Eren wiped his face and checked his phone time before he pushed his blankets into a pile at the foot of his bed. He tucked his key shaped charm back in his shirt like it was habit.  
“You’ll be wandering on the Tube by yourself if you don’t hurry it up..!” Jean called up the stairs as Eren wandered out of his room and halfway down the poorly lit hallway to their bathroom. Oh yeah…Jean had offered to ride with him on the subway to the shop instead of giving him directions. He had said it would give him more time to talk to his professor Hanji Zoe if he got there before the café opened. Unfortunately, that meant getting rudely woken up at six fifteen in the morning.  
“Five minutes!” Eren called before he slammed the bathroom door shut.  
Jean was sipping a hot cup of coffee while leaning against the countertop when Eren came running down the stairs like a stampede and slid into the kitchen on his socks.  
“I told you five minutes.” Eren elbowed past Jean to the coffee and Jean rolled his eyes.  
“Don’t get too excited.” Jean huffed and walked around Eren to dump the rest of his coffee down the drain. It was too bitter for his taste.  
“Hey, hey, hey! Don’t waste it!” Eren snatched the cup of coffee from him and quickly swallowed down the rest of the lukewarm bitter shit with creamer and too much sugar added.  
“And doing shit like that makes people think we’re partners.” Jean grimaced, his eyebrow twitching a little. Eren had zero concept of personal space and Jean couldn’t get used to it, unlike Mikasa and Armin.  
“Who would want to be your partner?” Eren retorted, dumping the used cup in the sink before filling it up with water.  
“We’ve all got one Eren!” Jean half yelled as Eren walked out of the kitchen to grab his shoes from under the coffee table.  
“Yeah, I bet yours is butt ugly!” Eren yelled, pushing past the pile of shoes to find his slip on Vans. He brushed off some of the winter salt and dirt vowing to dump them in the wash when he got home.  
“I bet yours would say that about you!” Eren rolled his eyes; he could practically feel the smug aura from the front door. He slid his shoes on as he walked to the door and tapped his toes against the ground as he grabbed his jacket and slid it on.  
“Here dipshit.” Eren tossed Jean his red beanie from the bottom of the closet and Jean quickly slid it over his messier then usual undercut. It proudly declared “bad hair day” with the added bonus of being obnoxiously red.  
“Thanks fuck face.” Jean replied and snatched the umbrella before Eren could grab it. “Got you Oyster card?” Jean asked and Eren groaned, pulling the special case out of his pocket and flashed it at him.  
“Yes. I remembered this time. Now weren’t you so excited to get going?” Eren huffed and pushed past Jean to shove the sticky front door open and step out into the gloomy morning. Jean rolled his eyes and grabbed his and Eren’s keys from the small bowl Connie had made Eren back in high school. He had already let him “forget” twice last week and he felt like be generous on a sucky Monday morning.

“I do not experiment with coffee and tea in my basement on weekends Levi!” Hanji said the moment Levi walked in and he rolled his eyes as he pulled off his jacket and undid his scarf. He pulled his hat off and stuck in his jacket pocket.  
“I don’t recall saying anything about the weekends…but if you say so.” Levi’s lips pursed and he walked over to the bar stools near the counter.  
“You were thinking it.” Hanji pointed an accusing finger from behind the counter and Levi rolled his eyes, dumping his coat on the seat next to him. He rested the umbrella against the barstool and leaned his elbows on the varnished wood.  
“Since when were you so good at guessing my mind?” He raised an eyebrow and Hanji whipped her long hair over her shoulder as she looked back at him. Their glasses sparkled in the light and Levi suppressed a grin with a shake of the head. People never seemed to understand the two of them; Levi was pretty much always in a sour mood and quiet where as Hanji was a bubbly scientist who was always loud. They were practically opposites.  
“I undo; I guess I’m good at figuring out Levi moods.” They shrugged and their eyes narrowed. “And, since I’m in a guessing mood, I presume that Levi would like a black tea with three sugars.” Hanji grabbed a nearby cup.  
“I told Petra this morning I wanted a black tea on the train and you know I take three sugars.” Levi called them out and Hanji blew a raspberry in his general direction.  
“Thanks a ton Petra!” Hanji yelled back and Levi heard loud laughter all the way from the front of the café.  
“You are very welcome Hanji!” Petra called back and Levi watched her lean on a cane as she walk down the small back hallway, past the fridges and the racks full of tubs of coffee washed/unwashed silver wear. “Hey Levi.” Petra smiled at him and Levi nodded at her, sparing a smile when she wasn’t looking. She scooted past Hanji and awkwardly slid the display case open to grab a muffin. “I remember you mentioning a muffin?” She put the muffin on a plate and set it in front of Levi. A napkin accompanied the plate a moment later along with a fork.  
“Mm, thanks Petra. You’re the best.” He hummed and she blushed in embarrassment. If there was one thing Levi actually liked about remembering his past was that nobody had really changed. Hanji was still quirky and still experimented and Petra was still bashful and a little blunt. Erwin was still intimidating and was a leader, albeit at a paper company however; he couldn’t be too picky. And, for god’s sake, Mike still had his fucking sense of smell and Nanaba. It was kind of comforting for them all to be the same band of misfits.  
“Here.” Hanji set a cup of steaming cup of tea with three sugars in it next to his muffin and Levi cracked a small smile. Hanji took that as the best thank you he could give and they turned to really start getting the stuff done for opening.  
Levi ate and watched as Hanji fiddled with the machines—the espresso machine didn’t like to start up early, but it was purring like a kitten when Hanji was finished with it. They refilled the coffee beans that were in jars lining the back wall and got the hot coffee going for the early morning rush. Petra was taking down stools and when Moblit, affectionately called Mo by most everyone, timed in he helped her.  
“Don’t bother with the outside furniture; it’s supposed to rain all day.” Petra told him and Mo nodded, heaving the last of the mismatched furniture into place. Levi recalled that Hanji had rescued the place that used to be a bar and restored it into a pretty fine coffee place. There was nothing quite like all the polished wood and a warm cup of coffee.  
“I’m ready for winter to be over.” He said and everyone seemed to hum in agreement. Levi even nodded, his mouth full of tea.  
“I think everyone’s feeling that.” Hanji said, glancing through the shop IPod for the days music selection. They were also known for having some of the best music too.  
“We had the smooth jazz on yesterday.” Mo called as he tied his apron around his waist, carefully making his way down the small hallway to his station.  
“Yeah…maybe Bossa Nova?” Hanji mused, bobbing their head back and forth.  
“You played that on Friday.” Levi spoke up from behind his tea cup, his lips pursing around the rim.  
“It is Monday though.” Hanji pointed a finger back at him. “We can afford to play it again.”  
“Which playlist?” Mo asked with a chuckle. “There are about five of them…” His lips pursed as he leaned over their shoulder to take a peek.  
“Eh, number two.” Hanji picked and a moment later soft acoustic music was playing. Mo set the IPod back up on the shelf for them and got to work restocking the different sugars, silver wear and straws. Levi nursed his cup of tea and crossed his legs under the stool, watching as Hanji went to flip the open sign over. He glanced up at the clock and his shoulders hunched; he looked back at his cup of tea and downed the rest of it. He spun on the stool and hopped down, his shoes clinking on the tile as he walked over to the trash.  
“You leaving Levi?” Hanji asked, stopping on their way back to their office.  
“Nah, I’ll wait for Erwin.” Levi shook his head, dumping his trash in the can. “He’s probably got other stuff to discuss.”  
“Can you tell him I’ll be late?” Petra called from back in Hanji’s office. “My legs are acting up and I’ll probably use my chair.”  
“Okay Petra..!” Levi half yelled back at her.  
“Sweet Jesus, Eren…I fucking hate you.” Hanji’s brow furrowed and Levi’s eyebrows raised, peeking his head around the corner.  
“He’s late.” Levi remarked and Hanji hummed assuredly and took a deep breath.  
“Sounds like he brought a friend too. The friend I probably have to talk to.” Hanji drummed their fingers on the doorframe and the both of them watched as Jean punched his time card in and discarded his coat on the rack. Jean glanced up and his eyes widened. Hanji’s lips narrowed into a thin line and Levi saw his Adam’s apple bob.  
“Hey there Jean.” Hanji greeted him stiffly.  
“U-Uh…h-hey Hanji…” Jean chuckled awkwardly. “Th-This isn’t my fault, I promise!” He exclaimed quickly, grabbing his friend’s collar and dragged him into view. Levi blinked in surprise before his eyes instantly went wide. “E-Eren got the stops wrong—even when I told him five times it was Belsize Park on the Black line—and we had to scramble through the traffic an-and—!”  
“It’s fine for now Jean.” Hanji waved their hand dismissively and heaved a sigh. “It’s your first time being late and I have to talk to Eren about graduate stuff anyway.” They dropped their hands to their side and walked down the narrow hallway. Jean lightly punched Eren in the shoulder, but he didn’t flinch or spew a cuss word. He didn’t say anything.  
“What the—?” Jean turned to look at Eren better, but Hanji was already looking down the hallway, where Eren was looking, and Hanji quickly put a hand to their mouth with a gasp.  
Levi swallowed hard and his chest was clenched up worse than any binder could clench his chest. He gripped the counter tightly, his fingernails digging into the varnish of the wood. The necklace against his skin burned and he clenched at the metal piece through his shirt.  
Fate had a fucking twisted sense of fucking humor. There he was—the damned brat that he was sure he had buried deep in his mind; it was too painful, but here he was, just a few yards away from him. He was still the fucking same too; bright green eyes, silly mused hair, round face…  
Hanji quickly punched Eren in the shoulder and shoved him towards Levi. Eren glanced back at Hanji like he needed desperate reassurance and they quickly nodded; Eren turned back and took a few steps, getting closer and closer to Levi. Levi pressed himself against the counter, his knees shaking like they were going to give out from under him. He didn’t know if he wanted him to go far, far away or press against him as tightly as he could.  
Eren got a foot—Levi knew it was a damned twelve inches—and he stopped, green eyes hesitantly looking down at him. Levi’s grey eyes quickly looked away, his lips quivering. He watched as Eren’s hand reached for his and he didn’t stop him; his fingers softly brushed against his, pulling his hand off the counter like he was undoing all the little knots, making his chest tighter and tighter.  
Levi was choking as his tawny hand curled into his smaller, paler hand. He finally looked up at Eren and found his green eyes looking back down at him, a small smile gracing his lips. Levi’s vision blurred together into a dozen small smiles and he hiccupped.  
“Shh…” Eren quietly hushed him and his voice was exactly like he remembered and his strong arms around his chest were the exact same. Levi held his one arm to his chest out of shyness but he still pressed his face into Eren’s chest, tears messily running down his cheeks and nose into his shirt.  
“Hi Levi…” Eren whispered in his ear and Levi managed a shuddered groan in response, his eyes screwing shut. He still said his name the same way, his memories flooding up into the present. “Shh…” Eren hushed him again and Levi sucked in the deepest breath he could manage and he stuttered softly.  
“H-Hi…Er-Eren…” Eren hummed and rocked back on either foot, rocking Levi with him. Levi shuddered and managed to crack his eyes open, pulling his head away from his warm chest. He was still a freaking furnace too. Levi hiccupped and wiped his teary eyes on the collar of his shirt, his pale skin turning red. Eren let go of him a little to help him, but Levi quickly batted his hand away.  
“I’m fine…” Levi muttered and Eren went to pull away a little, looking a little confused. Levi flinched a little when Eren pulled on their now joined necklaces. “If your…gonna stand next to me, you gotta half squat.” Levi added and Eren rolled his eyes. Eren scooted half around and Levi glanced up to see Hanji’s hands pressed to their mouth, tears in their eyes.  
“Don’t cry you dope…” Levi muttered and Hanji laughed, their voice breaking.  
“Don’t you cry either you dope.” Hanji remarked and Levi went to viciously rubbed his eyes again. Petra came around the corner she gasped at the sight of the two of them, putting a hand to her mouth, her eyes already dripping.  
“Stop…” Eren grasped his hand and Levi pulled it out of his grasp, giving him the best teary eyed glare he could. It made Eren scoff and Levi’s cheeks filled with embarrassing flush. Hanji laughed again and walked over to them, bouncing on their heels. They glanced out into the coffee shop crowd and wiggled their eyebrows at somebody and pointed at him.  
“Levi..?” Levi turned, pulling Eren along the way and saw Erwin standing there, an eyebrow raised and a steaming cup of coffee in his hand. Somebody turned as well and—sweet Jesus—Mike was there and he grinned; Levi was sure he could freaking smell it for God’s sake. Erwin chuckled faintly and Hanji grinned, wrapping an arm around Petra.  
“Eren is one of my grad students and Jean is his roommate.” Hanji cleared their throat and started explaining. “Eren was coming in today to talk to me about his grades and Levi was throwing away some stuff and I had stopped him to talk to him. And…here we are!” Hanji squeaked. Mike quickly noticed Levi’s hands folded against his chest and the stiff way he stood next to Eren like he didn’t want to be there or so close to him. Mike knew that stiff posture anywhere and Levi saw his smile fade into a frown. Levi swallowed hard and quickly looked away, nervously scratched the side of his neck before fixing his wrinkled collar.  
What a cruel mother fucker fate was…


	2. Back From the Dead

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren invites Levi out for some fun and bonding--cause you gotta bond with your partner?--after work and Levi takes the chance and breaks out of his usual routine and actually agrees. Will it be worth it at the end of the night?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note: There are mild manga spoilers in this chapter. If you have only watched the anime and have not read any of the manga after the end of the manga, then beware. Otherwise, enjoy!

Levi’s whole face was scrunched up, staring at the joined necklaces he was holding level with his face. The hype of the two of them connecting in the shop had died down when Erwin left and when Hanji had reluctantly dragged Eren back to their office to talk; he had left Levi with their necklaces and a smile to boot. Levi’s face scrunched up a little more, looking at all the little details in the conjoined charms. Damn, that key was accurate. It was exactly like the one from a lifetime ago. Levi’s fingers traced over the top curve of the key, his fingertips sliding further down the smooth metal. Levi didn’t remember if they had ever made it back to Eren’s hometown; he had vague memories of a lot of screaming—that wasn’t unusual—and some pain. If he had died back then, he didn’t remember. If there was one thing reassuring about it was that he didn’t remember every single detail from his dreams. 

“You’re gonna ruin your eyes squinting that hard.” Levi glanced up to see Mike sitting down on the stool next to him, giving him a look. Even sitting down Mike towered over most people and Levi certainly wasn’t an exception. 

“I don’t care.” Levi mumbled, dropping the necklaces to the varnished wood bar with a clink. Levi ran his fingers through his hair, his lips curling into an unpleasant line. “This is pretty fucked up.” He muttered and Mike hummed, taking a sip from his cup. 

“Mm, I could tell by the way you were going to burn a hole in the necklaces.” Mike mumbled. Levi’s doctor didn’t talk too much; neither did his partner Nanaba. Levi was pretty sure they were the kind of people who wouldn’t mind bumping into each other in a small kitchen space. The two of them were tied at the hip from the moment Levi met them, just like from a lifetime ago.

“Seriously, why did this have to happen again?” He exasperated, giving Mike an unpleasant look. “It was a pain enough back then; it sucks even more now.” Levi groaned, running his hands through his hair. He dropped his chin to the countertop, his arms folding around his head.

“I think it beats keeping it a secret and the Titans.” Mike hummed, looking down at Levi who heaved a reluctant sigh. 

“Keeping it from some people. I guess…” Levi grudgingly corrected and agreed, but Mike knew it still bothered Levi. When did it not bother him? Almost everything bothered him now; it wasn’t like things bothered him in the past, but this was a whole new way of things. Things that didn’t matter a lifetime ago. “Is this how it was when you found Nanaba?” Levi asked desperately and Mike’s moustache curled up into a grin.

“Nah.” Mike shook his head, swirling his coffee cup around. “I knew Nanaba was my partner since I remembered what happened that lifetime ago. Nanaba told me it was the same way for them; we just had to find each other.” Mike explained as he stretched his chin, not using very many words like he usually did. 

“Quite the romantic with words when you wanna be.” Levi grumbled and Mike tipped his head in a cheeky nod. Silence hovered in the air for a long moment and Levi went to pick up the necklace again, turning it over in his hands, running his fingers over the grooves of the key and notches and curves in the machinery of the sword. 

“You can always talk to Nanaba if you want.” Mike spoke up and Levi nodded, chewing on his lower lip. 

“I know.” Levi said simply. If there was one person who understood his situation more than Hanji it was Nanaba and Mike. They knew the past; they remembered how they died at the hands of Titans defending the same kids that hovered on the outskirts of their lives now. Well, one now hung right in the middle of Levi’s life.

Mike put a firm hand on Levi’s shoulder and that was much more than words could ever say; it was a reassurance, a promise, a hopeful and moustache filled smile. It was the hope he had been riding for years and he hoped it could keep him going now. God knew he needed it now…

“You have an appointment the day after tomorrow.” Mike reminded him and Levi grunted. Mike nodded and patted Levi’s back again. “See you later.” Levi heard the bells on the door clink a moment later and Levi shut his eyes. He let the necklaces fall again and he put his face back in the countertop. 

His heart was pounding in his chest like they said when you found the one, but his stomach was turning, a feeling he knew all too well. Why was he sick and happy? Maybe he was just sick…Who was he kidding? He was always sick. A sick twisted fuck; could only blame so much on fate and a sucky ass higher power.

“Levi..?” His heart skipped and beat and he pulled his head up, his bangs falling away like curtains as he looked up at Eren. “Are you feeling okay?” He asked in a tender voice and Levi wanted, correction, needed to slam his head against the countertop. Now his heart was skipping fifteen beats per second and everything sucked... 

“Been better, been worse.” Levi answered instead of splattering his brains all over the shop. That certainly wouldn’t be good for business and Hanji would be pissed; Jean would probably have to clean it up and Levi knew he would whine the whole time. Eren’s brow furrowed, but he went to pick up their necklaces. 

“You wanna go get a copy made?” He asked, rattling the necklace. “You can wear the original.” Eren offered and Levi’s lips pursed. 

“I thought they sent them in the mail to you like they secretly know.” Levi mumbled and Eren made a face. “Or something like that from whoever does the shit like this.” Levi waved his hand.

“I actually have no idea. I’m not sure if anyone knows.” Eren mumbled and pursed his lips, holding the necklace. Levi remembered those quirked lips from back in the day when the plan had be ran over again and again because it still didn’t make sense. He spilt a small smile, more memories flashing before his mind’s eye. He wondered if the brat knew how to read nowadays. 

“Mm, hey Hanji?” Levi called down the hallway and Hanji appeared in the doorway a moment later, adjusting their glasses.

“What up?” They asked, wiping their nose in way that made Levi’s nose wrinkle. Gross; he had gotten them a couple boxes of tissues to keep around the shop for a reason, but they could never really take a hint. “How do the necklace thingys work? Like we each wear the joined necklaces?” Eren asked, scratching at his neck. 

“Yeah, that’s how it works.” Hanji nodded, putting their finger on their nose. “I think you get a copy in the mail. That’s how we got our copies of it—Petra and I. I dunno how Mike and Nanaba got theirs; I would guess the same way.” Hanji explained and Levi’s eyebrows furrowed together in thought. 

“”Kay, thanks four eyes.” Levi called and she saluted to him before kicking the door frame to slide back into their office. 

“Okay.” Eren nodded, still holding the two necklaces. “You can wear the original ‘till we get another copy made.” Eren smiled and unclasped the necklace. Levi cocked an eyebrow and he turned his head as Eren slipped it around his neck. He stiffened up, his fingertips digging into his pants ‘til Eren pulled his hands away. 

“Uh…thanks.” Levi mumbled, peeking down at the necklace before tucking it into his shirt. The metal felt funny against his skin and he swallowed hard. 

“No problem.” Eren said with a shrug, sticking his hands in a hoody Levi could see had been worn more than a few weeks without a good wash. Or maybe it had just been worn so much that it came out of the wash like that. Levi went with later much to his own surprise; did this stupid forgive your partner for everything come this quick? He had a good feeling if Eren didn’t wash for a few days he would have a problem with that. Or maybe he wouldn’t. Levi turned his head, his lips curling into an unpleasant frown. He glanced up at the clock and his lips pursed. 

“I gotta work, so…” Levi mumbled, going to sort through his trash and dishes. 

“Oh, okay…” Eren mumbled back, his lips quirking into a strange line. The awkward silence hung in the air, Bossa Nova playing the in background at a painful volume between them. Levi needed a fucking smoke. 

“S-So you wanna do..uh, something this evening?” Eren asked and Levi blinked. “We could…head further into town and see all the stuff they say you should see, y’know? Cause I haven’t seen any of it and I’ve lived on the outskirts most of my life.” Eren rambled and Levi spotted Hanji and Petra nodding at an increasing speed from the back office. Levi’s frown deepened and he looked back up at Eren who was giving him a confused look .

“Sure, we can head into town and see all the touristy shit.” Levi mumbled sheepishly and he spotted Hanji and Petra hugging it out like they had won the Olympics. Gold medal for getting Levi to go out and see touristy shit. The highest honor the world had to offer. Gettin Levi to something outside of his comfort zone was an Olympic sport.

“I’m off work at five; you can meet me there if you want. It’s just a few blocks from here. You can probably get off at Camden and it’d probably be a shorter walk.” Levi explained, Eren’s face lighting up like all the rumors of how crazy Fourth of July was.

“Alright! I’ll see you down there at five.” Eren grinned and Levi’s stomach did a flip from how sickeningly cute it was. It was disgusting and he really needed a smoke.

“Alright.” Levi nodded, faking a small smile. Eren grinned a little longer and he peered down, pushing his sleeve aside to look at a wrist watch. It was a pretty nice watch too…

“Damn, I’m late…” Eren cursed quietly, his eyebrows furrowing. “I’ll see you later then Levi.” Before Levi could step away, Eren stepped closer and leaned in, pressing a kiss to his cheek. “Bye!” Eren leaned down and scooped his bag over his shoulder, turning to quickly walk out the door. 

Levi silently watched him walk down the street, his cheeks bright red and his breathing a little harder than usual through his nose, making him sound like a perturbed bull.

“You want somebody to put your jaw back in place?” Hanji asked in a sly tone and Levi snapped his jaw back up so hard his teeth hurt a little. 

“Not a fucking word.” Levi whipped around and pointed to them, the redness creeping into his ears and down his neck. 

“My lips are fucking sealed Levi.” Hanji replied and Levi quickly scooped up his own bag and put it over his shoulder, gripping the strap harder than he probably should have. He grabbed his nearby to-go cup of coffee and turned on his heel to head out the door. “I don’t get a goodbye?!” Hanji cried and Levi turned back to them, his face twisted to bitch level 3000.

“Goodbye Hanji. For the rest of forever. I am never coming back here again; do you hear me? I’m never coming back here again!” He half yelled and Hanji let out a laugh. 

“Go to work fuck face.” They waved him off and Levi’s hand tightened on the doorknob. 

“Go to work fuck face!” He mocked them, pushing the door open before he let it slam behind him. He knew Hanji was laughing at him as he shoved his hands in his pockets and trudged down the sidewalk. He knew he would never hear the end of it for the rest of his life….He could add it to the list of the top ten worst things Hanji had ever done.

 

Eren stepped off the train, the constant ‘please mind the gap’ echoing in one ear and echoing out the other. He glanced up at the signs, his feet already turning to the exit. He reached down and into his pocket, pulling out a torn piece of paper. He pulled his scarf tighter, peering down at the address scribbled on lilac paper. Anything he needed to remember had to be written down, so it wasn’t too uncommon for his pockets to be overflowing with torn and scrapped pieces of colored paper. The most common gift he got from secret santa’s over the years were notepads.

He walked up the stairs, the cold wind from outside blasting against his thin sweatshirt. He bit his lip hard and pulled his scarf tighter. It was gonna be a cold night. He turned down the street that the address said, keeping his eyes peeled for a small black shape. Before too long he did spot a figure step out of the darkness and lift a hand to wave. Eren’s heart swelled in his chest and a smile split his lips. He had felt something wrong all afternoon and he knew he would have to redo his video because of how much awkward chest grabbing he did. 

“Hey!” Eren called and Levi smiled into his own scarf. 

“Hey…” Levi greeted him quietly, looking up at Eren who was too smiley for his own good.

“You ready?” Eren asked and Levi shrugged. “As ready as I guess I’ll be.” He said, halfway smiling. 

“Alrighty then.” Eren grinned and turned to walk back down the street, offering Levi his hand. Levi raised an eyebrow and Eren made a skeptical face. Levi rolled his eyes and—with a small, self induced cringe—took his hand. Eren started walking on his ridiculously long legs and Levi had to move grudgingly faster than usual to keep up with him. They walked for a while--down to the street and around the corner. They eventually ended up in a part of the city Levi didn’t recognize. It seemed like a place for hippies and wanderers of all kinds; the walls were decked out in graffiti that was surprisingly artistic and everywhere else looked like a rainbow had thrown up on it. Levi could even tell that much in the faded light. They passed a street light covered in various papers advertising a strange new band and a stray cat and dog along with obscure stickers for different bars, some of them in different languages. Levi glanced up at Eren and the kid almost seemed to fit into the strange landscape. He could easily find him smoking hookah in a back corner in a bar or in some strange ass slam poetry club tucked into a five by twenty space. Levi could tell he wasn’t much of the kid he knew before; hopefully he was a little brighter in the head and ot so angry.

“So where are we going?” Levi finally asked and Eren blinked his big green eyes and looked down at him. 

“Oh...we’re going to this sort of hangout, club-ish place. A lot of my friends hang out there.” Eren explained and Levi’s lips pursed. “Well, only a few friends. Jean doesn’t hang out there; he goes to “classier” part of town and he doesn’t like to come this far. Too much work for his lazy ass. Can blame his elitist father for that shit.” Eren shrugged. 

“So Jean is your friend?” Levi asked, cocking an eyebrow as Eren made a face. Considering he knew that much about him; but then again it wasn’t too hard to pin Jean down. It seemed like he hadn’t gotten out of that faze yet. Levi hoped he would; he was much better that way. 

“Hell no. We’re just in the graduate program together--different majors--and I didn’t know he was such an ass until after we got stuck in our lease.” Eren huddled his face a little more into his scarf like he was pouting. For crying out loud he was pouting. Levi would have to heart transplant before he was thirty at this rate. 

“An acquaintance?” Levi inquired and Eren went to scratch his messy mop of hair. 

“Eh...Acquaintances set out to ensure each other’s mutual destruction. That’s pretty accurate.” Eren corrected and Levi scoffed, rolling his eyes. Eren cocked an eyebrow and he made a weird shape with his lips. 

“What? You and Hanji seem like the kind of people who would do that.” Eren pointed out and Levi shook his head at Eren’s ignorance. 

“Nah. I know I’m already going down with their ship; I’m not having that much fun, but they’re having the time of their life.” Levi explained. “We were like you and Jean when we were your ages. I remember thinking when we first met that I was never going to be friends with a sweaty, talkative, insane, plant freak like them. I wouldn’t go near them for a week, but damn they were persistent as fuck. They would bother me everywhere; and I mean everywhere. It wasn’t until later--when things were rough--that it was easy to figure out why they did what they did and then it was like: “well shit we aren’t that different after all.” We’ve been together ever since.” Levi explained and it felt like the longest he had talked in a very long time. It was a fucking exhausting.

“Huh…” Eren’s lips pursed and he looked down at their feet, kicking a piece of concrete into a drain. Levi looked down at his own feet and adjusted his collar. Damn his binder was biting; that hour break after work wasn’t doing him too good right now. He just hoped he wasn’t out ‘til really late or else he would have bigger problems to deal with than just a hangover. 

However, for once, maybe it would be worth it. He knew he would have to cough a fuck ton later and he’d be sore for a few days, but if actually seemed worth it for Eren. He would have to take a day off to feel better, but it seemed worth it. Levi felt his cheeks heating up, but he hid it underneath of his scarf. Weird…

They walked for a few more blocks ‘til Eren pulled him down an alleyway--into the dark--and down a few steps that Levi could barely see. “You sure this is the right place Eren?” Levi asked as Eren let go of his hand to manage down the stairs on his own. 

“Positive.” He said, knocking on the door with his fist, the bangles hidden under his sweatshirt rattling around. “Watch the last step; its got a slope to it.” Eren said as Levi stepped down. He skipped the last step and cringed when it sounded like he stepped in puddle of probably problematic murky water. Levi was glad he couldn’t tell what color what color it was; he would have to clean it off later. There was knock back on the door and Eren craned his neck as a little slot that Levi had only seen in cheesy movies opened up. 

“Password?” The voice asked and Levi didn’t expect that voice from a bouncer. Whoever it was sounded like they were twelve.

“Connie, we’ve never had a password and you knew it was me coming. I texted you on the train.” Eren droned, rolling his green eyes. 

“Welllllllll, Sasha and I just decided that we needed a password before you came here.” Connie retorted and there was another giggle from behind the door. Levi’s lips pursed; he probably should have expected this much from Eren’s friends. 

“How good is a password if nobody knows it?” Eren inquired with a grin, wiggling his eyebrows. 

“All of us in here know it!” Connie laughed and Eren sighed heavily, leaning against the door. 

“Connie…”Eren sighed heavily like he was giving up. “I guess if you don’t open that door you and everyone else won’t get to hear the good news.” He said slyly and a moment later there was shout and what sounded like a brief few half punches and shoves for the door.

“Ow! Fuck!” 

“Move baldy!” 

“Sorry Levi…Just don’t freak out.” Eren mumbled to Levi and he cocked an eyebrow.

“Wha…?”

“Where are they?!” A girl yelled, pulling the door open wide, making both of them wince at the bright light and the loud noise. Levi blocked his face, but she grabbed his wrist and yanked him inside. 

“Whoa, whoa, whoa! Eren…!” Levi stumbled over the stoop, looking back to see Eren not too far behind looking like he was holding back a laugh. 

“Lemme look at you..!” She pushed him into a bar stool and he quickly looked to Eren for support. Levi was never--and probably would never get used to--being half dragged around a suddenly yanked places, even by Hanji. He had enough of being jerked around and dragged a lifetime ago.

“Sasha come on. He’s a human, not an exotic zoo animal.” Eren came up and pushed Sasha away a few steps before she devoured his face with squishing and pushing her hands against it. Eren put his hand around Levi and he went to push a stray hair out of his face to get a better look at everything. The lighting wasn’t as bright as he thought before and there were more people than before for sure. It looked a little like a college frat lobby area...but less maintained like frats usually were and that was saying a lot. The carpet under their feet was stained a weird color; it was probably originally red and the furniture was pretty beat up. He imagined that a spring on one of the couches would stab you in ass if you weren’t careful. 

“But I wanna get a look at him!” Sasha whined, her hands clenching into little fists that went perfectly with her pouty lip. “You’re the second to last person to find their special someone..!” She crossed her arms and Levi scowled. 

“You can admire him from a distance like everyone else is. Remember, look with your eyes and not with your hands!” Eren retorted and a short guy with a buzz cut came up behind her and patted her shoulder. Levi figured he was the guy who had answered the door. There faces tapped on a set of memories he had worked hard to bury away for a reason. He knew the nightmares were gonna be bad tonight and his lips quirked to try and a hide it.

Eren and his friends kept talking as Levi scanned the room, looking everyone over since they seemed to be looking him over. There was a tall kid sitting on the couch, looking nervously back him. He looked like the kind of guy who would have his knees squished no matter what car he rode in and his sweaty complexion didn’t help to make him look less of a nervous wreck . There was a fierce looking girl sitting next to him, nursing what looked like a hard liquor. She reminded him of the large Russian women haggling for bread in the markets on the weekends; her blonde hair, larger nose and hard face would fit right in. He didn’t go into that part very often, but he could hear them shouting from across the way. And the way was a long way. 

There was a large blonde guy on the other side of the one that was too tall and it seemed like he completed their little trio. Levi didn’t have much doubt that they were probably a group of three; those were rare, but they still happened. Their faces were a bit too familiar on the darker side of things and he pushed the thoughts and memories aside; things weren’t like that now. But he wondered if he was going to have live through that again. There were few other suspects around some of the other tables, keeping to themselves and not paying them too much mind. He didn’t look too hard at their faces; he had made a habit not looking very hard at new people.

“Where did you meet him?” Sasha asked and Levi looked back at him when Eren wrapped a casual arm around him. He flinched a little more than he usually would and went to push Eren’s hand away from his chest and back up onto his shoulder. He didn’t want to get into that part of their relationship yet.

“When we were at the coffee shop Jean works at. I had to stop by to talk to my professor that owns the place and Jean had work, so we stupidly went together and Jean almost got us lost.” Eren said, only mildly noting that Levi had pushed his hand away.

“If I remember correctly it was you that got you guys lost.” Levi said and Eren turned to him and made a face. “You walked in and Jean grabbed you by the collar and turned you into Hanji.” Eren laughed nervously and the big blonde guy from across the room laughed. 

“That sounds more like you Eren.” He said and Eren rolled his eyes, making a pouty face that was good enough to make Levi blush. Eren looked down at him and quickly spotted the color on his cheeks. He went to rub Levi’s hair and he groaned, going to shove Eren’s hand away in embarrassment. Eren grinned and patted his shoulder, going to cross his arms and lean against the countertop. 

“So...we doing anything tonight besides poking at each other?” Sasha asked and Connie rolled his eyes, going to plop down on the counter next to Eren. 

“Get off…!” Sasha nagged, but Connie blew right past her. 

“I’m sure Eren might have a plan in mind…” Connie looked down at him and Eren shrugged. 

“Could have…” He lifted his chin a little and Levi leaned back against the counter. He usually didn’t like the false aura of confidence like Jean had; it was disgustingly pretentious. Everyone knew that kid oozed self esteem issues, but Eren’s confidence reminded him of a more angry and reckless Erwin. And Levi knew well from now and the past that Erwin was pretty reckless. Not to say that Eren didn’t have a few problems either…

“Are you gonna busk?” The larger blonde asked from across the room and that seemed to get everyone’s attention.

“Busking doesn’t work if the people you’re playing for are as poor as you are, Reiner.” Eren said and Reiner waved his hand with a click of his tongue. 

“That doesn’t mean you can’t just play. The guitars here only have a few broken strings.” Connie said, scratching his buzzed head. “You’ve played with worse.” He added. 

“The one you have at home isn’t much better.” A girl at nearby table spoke up and Levi leaned back a little more to look at her. 

“That one only has one missing string Mikasa, not three.” Eren noted and Levi watched her lip curl a little as she shrugged. She looked tough like the other girl and her name sounded faintly familiar. He quickly figured it out and his stomach twisted a little and he looked away from her to the boy next to her.

“Same difference.” The blonde kid next to her spoke up, going to take a sip from a bottle that he probably had carried in. He looked so skinny that one drink could do him in; he looked kind of like some of the kids that would come into the coffee shop gripping their bag straps with white knuckles out of fear of Hanji. Levi had seen a couple of them come out of their office muttering curse words under their breath.

“False, Armin…!” Eren declared, pointing at him and Armin looked like he rolled his eyes. His named poked at a couple of stray memories in the back of his mind and a he swallowed a little, going look down at the floor. He wasn’t doubting that all of them were probably stray figures from the past if he stretched his mind back far enough. And he wasn’t too keen on stretching that far back.

“Come on Eren! Give us a little something; this place is getting boring.” Sasha whined and Eren sighed. 

“That’s because we’ve been here since we got off work.” Connie whined back and Sasha made a grab to knock Connie off the bar via knocking him into Eren.

“Alright, alright…! I’ll play!” Eren surrendered, going to push Connie off of him with a clink of his bangles and he went to maneuver through the old furniture. 

“Yay!” Sasha cheered, going to sit on the barstool next to Levi and she wrapped her arms around Connie. Levi scooted away a little and swallowed down a lump in his throat. He crossed his arms, going to squeeze his waist to try and bring him back. His thoughts were spiraling down, going to further into darker and darker places. He didn’t want to go down that road...not tonight. He didn’t want to have make a call to Hanji. He didn’t want to have to explain it all and have them reassure that they were fine. He didn’t want to have to sit and explain to Eren...not yet, not tonight. that was burning bridge he didn’t want to cross yet. This was the one bridge he couldn’t burn.

But it was fucking hard when he remembered almost all of them died in too much detail. 

He didn’t want to recall the last few stands--whether they were against other people or against the Titans--and having to watch all of them fall. He glanced to the side, recalling Connie’s malfunctioning gear and how they couldn’t stop to save him. He screamed for them to go, to just leave him despite each one of their deepest fears was to die alone. He could hear Sasha screaming and fighting about it and against Mikasa before he finally let her have the resigned fate to try and go back for him. He didn’t see the two of them again, but he remembered every second he watched as she disappeared into the trees.

He gripped his waist tighter, looking back down at the floor. He felt sick to his stomach and the shade of the carpet wasn’t helping too much. He heard Reiner yelling about something and he recalled hearing about the incident later. He recalled seeing the desperate looks on their faces, some of them still in disbelief that the two of them could have really have caused all of that; they had spent years with them, thinking they were friends. They had been the cause of Eren’s mother’s death which sent him on a downward spiral that ended in a perfect disaster. He didn’t want imagine the pain of Jean pounding against Annie’s crystal, desperate for answers he would never get since he didn’t live to see the end of it. 

He let out a shaky breath, the voices and strumming guitar around him growing muffled like he was underwater. He was drowning in the screams of the past and he couldn’t catch a breath before another wave crashed over him, dragging him down to what would be an eventual panic attack of the past which was too much to handle here. He swallowed, trying to get past the lump as he slid out of the bar seat and gripped the counter, going to head towards the door, his vision already swimming. 

“Levi…!” He heard Eren call him and he went to grip around himself tighter, his name echoing from the past in his head, Eren’s voice screaming his name making his head pound. He stumbled for the door and before he could reach the doorknob and hand came to rest on his shoulder. Memories fast forwarded and he finally snapped and his hand flew back, slapping Eren across the face with a deafening sound that even silenced his head. He quickly looked back at Eren, his eyes widening as his breath caught in this throat and choked him. 

Eren didn’t know.

He could see it in his big green eyes...He didn’t know and he could feel the panic straining in his chest. He could see the confusion, the hurt, the betrayal, the bubbling questions...the innocence of being ignorant of the screams and the mixed images flying past his mind’s eye. That same innocence he had spotted in all of the children who met them at the gates, the same innocence that he would’ve seen if Trost hadn’t cut an ugly wound in their lives. Levi shrunk closer to the door, his hands shaking as he tried for the doorknob. He knew all of the tears at the failed missions, he knew the anger that could tear everything to shreds, he knew the fear of the giants with their malicious grins; but he didn’t know that now. He didn’t know and he could only blame himself. He only had himself to blame and a wound to heal later that would certainly turn to a scar if he left.

“S-Sorry….” Levi quickly apologized, finally managing to get a good grip on the doorknob. “I-I have t-to go…” He stammered, yanking on the door ‘til it opened in his panic and he stumbled outside, tripping over the sloping first step. 

“L-Levi wait…!” Eren called and Levi hesitated on the third step, clenching his shaking fists like it was the last bit of his sanity. 

“I-I have to go Eren.” Levi said sharply and he could feel his chest tightening up and he knew he was beyond the point of keeping it all in. He didn’t mean for the bitterness and sting in his voice to cut Eren as deep as his face showed.

“B-But…!” Levi didn’t hear him finish his sentence, already half down the alleyway. He stumbled and tripped over his own feet, blinking his eyes quickly, trying to keep his vision clear from the tears and the wanderings of his mind into the darkness of the abyss. 

He stumbled halfway down the street like a drunk before trudging through the blood of his memories dragged him into a back alleyway. He slumped down the ground, his shaking legs making him fall before he was halfway there. He buried his face in his scarf and shut his eyes; he held himself tightly before letting himself fall down into the abyss, already choking on the screams and all of the blood. He coughed into his jacket, holding himself tighter as the giants loomed over him, going to swallow him down piece by piece. He pulled his legs closer and he whined into his jacket.

Connie’s gear malfunctioning and him yelling through the thundering footsteps and tree branches snapping like twigs. Sasha disappearing into the hoards of giants already coming back for them, each of their hands grasping for gear and stray legs and arms . Their groups sailing through the air, one of the giants appearing out of nowhere, its arms flailing for their wires. One of their hands caught Jean’s wire and he was dead from the force of it the blow before he was swallowed. Mikasa’s screams and him yelling at her to keep it together; there was no time to mourn, no body to go back and get. It was just another cost of war, another casualty of war to be written down on the list of MIA. All of the people he had watched fall into gaping mouths, screaming before the end finally came. All of the blood he pulled himself through, all of the front door he had knocked on, all of the sinking nightmares that hadn’t gotten enough the first time around. He was choking on all of it and he couldn’t pay enough the first time around to make all of the memories go away.

He didn’t know how long he was spiraling down and choking and reliving the darkest parts his pitiful life from the very beginning before the waves started to calm and he washed up onto shore, exhausted and shaking. He couldn’t feel his fingers; whether they were frozen by the cold or his tight grip, he didn’t know. He slowly uncurled his fingers, his whole body still trembling. He could feel the burn of the straps that haunted his dreams against his skin and his throat burned along with the rest of his chest. He could taste the bile on his tongue and he knew he probably thrown up on himself. He was a mess of wet, that was for sure. It had probably rained and he knew he had cried every single tear he could muster. He couldn’t even deny that he might’ve wet himself. Well, Hanji could probably make poop jokes at him and have them be halfway true. 

He was fucking disgusting in fifteen million ways. 

He lifted his stiff neck towards the sky and he let out a heavy breath, feeling the wet drip down from his mouth. He twisted his fingers around, trying to get the feeling back before he reached into his pocket. He didn’t bother to check the time as he told the phone to call Hanji in a voice that was less than shitty as fuck. He flicked the speaker on and it only took a few rings before they answered it. 

“Heyllo? What’s up bitch face?” Hanji asked and Levi held back a bitter laugh. 

“I fucked up Hanji.” Levi groaned into the phone, unable to decide if he had sounded anymore pathetic in his life. His brain mustered up a few times and he died a little more on the inside. 

“....Where are you?” Hanji asked, their tone turning serious. Levi glanced up, his eyes blurry and unable to see much of anything. He blinked several times and it didn’t do much.

“I dunno. Maybe around the Camden area.” Levi groaned, going to bite his bleeding lips. “Managed a way into a back alleyway somewhere.” He added, going lick the bile and blood off of his lips. 

“Alright. I’ll call Erwin and Mike to come look for you.” Hanji said and Levi nodded to himself, but it was more of a pathetic head bob that ended with his face back in his scarf. “Hang in there.” Hanji said before hanging up and Levi let the phone turn off by itself. 

His eyes stayed half open, unable to make them shut all of the way. His whole body ached and he knew he would have cramps for days. He heard several cars roar past and he managed to flop his head around to look out at the street, watching for the three of them. It was more accurate to assume that one of them would find him first. He was doing better if he could start pointing out logic problems; he could give himself that much credit. He was probably close enough to the office for Erwin to find him first. The asshole would probably still be there working his fucking ass off like a prick. This was good...if he could live up to the bitch faced bitch nickname then he could live through this. 

Man he was fucking cold. 

 

It was way past a couple of minutes before he could hear a soft voice and a hand on his shoulder and voice saying his name. He cranked his eyes open a little more and he could spot Erwin’s haircut in the dim light. 

“Took you long enough…” Levi mumbled and he could practically hear the eye rolling. 

“There are a lot of back alleyways.” Erwin mumbled, going to pull his jacket off and wrap it around him. If it was his trench coat he could probably wrap him up pretty snuggly. 

“Fyi, I threw up on myself and probably shit my pants.” Levi mumbled and Erwin chuckled. 

“You’ll be alright. Pretty sure it wasn’t the first time.” Erwin said back, going to pick him easily. Levi went to loosely wrap his arms around Erwin’s neck , going to rest his cold face against his neck. “You’ll give Hanji actual fodder for your guy’s shit jokes.” He said, adjusting since Levi was soaked and fucking cold.

“Hah, funny.” Levi weakly grumbled, going to poke Erwin in the neck with one of his cold fingers. Irwin flinched and Levi scoffed to himself.

“You’re not funny.” Erwin said, adjusting him to pull his phone out of his pocket. He could easily carry him with one arm if two arms wasn’t more caring or some shit like that. Levi watched him dial Hanji out of his half open eyes and he let them shut all of the way as he heard the car door open and Hanji’s voice asking worried questions. He relaxed into the back seat when Erwin reassured them with his heavy voice that he was fine and was already back to his apartment. The heater blew hot air in his face as he stared up at the ceiling, the car lurching into gear. He could still hear Erwin talking to Hanji and it was easy enough to let his eyes fall all of the way shut, easily falling into the welcome abyss of unconsciousness.   
Erwin glanced into his back mirror, going to shake his head at him. Where were they going to start now that they were back from the dead?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise later chapters won't be this sad and emotional. I'm sorry this took so long to update as well; I didn't have much of a direction when I first started this and I have a much clearer idea of what will come along. I don't know when the next chapters will be up, but hopefully I will have time to squeeze this in along will various other works. I will not abandon this fic even though I may not update in several months. Shoutout to users Phoenix and morgsoma for lovely comments and giving me the motivation to keep this going. I love the comments I shout it all right back you lovely folks. 
> 
> This was weirdly tough to write because lack of motivation and not much of a direction kicked my ass halfway through it. But I got it done! :D

**Author's Note:**

> Ahhhh, I got this idea a while back midway through Jean's chapter four and I felt that it would sweet, for at least me, that Eren and piss baby Levi got their own fic.
> 
> A majority of this fic was inspired by a lot of the songs by Passenger. Hopefully a lot of the mood and personality of the music shows through! It certainly tickles me half to death to listen to the songs I picked out for the characters!
> 
> EDIT 12/14: I am really, really close to having the next chapter with. I started college this past semester which left little time for spare time writing. I have a freakishly long winter break so I will hopefully get a lot this and other works updated!


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